My "NO" Vote...Allow Me to Clarify.

I've come under a bit of heat since my post about "Why I'm Voting No..." and that was expected...anticipated...and dare I say welcomed?  Because without these tough conversations, change doesn't happen.  I doubt women received the right to vote and interracial marriage was legalized without some controversy and hard conversations between friends.

But allow me a moment to clarify one of the points I made.  It appears that my reference to some Old Testament scripture may have come off as mocking.  That was not my intent at all.  Here's  my purpose in referencing that scripture.  I cannot rationally wrap my mind around the thought that one Old Testament law was relevant only for that period in time, but another law (gay marriage) is apparently relevant for eternity.  How does that work and who decides?

Sure, these laws had their context...they fit in for that time and that place, I'm not disputing that.  The point I am trying to make is that it's not fair to choose.  To choose to hold on to one piece of that and not all of it.

Here's the other part that I find difficult.  I read so many things that say, "Gay Marriage shouldn't be allowed because being gay is a sin..." [For the record, and I think this is obvious but I'll say it anyway, I disagree with this statement.]  By that logic, then all sexual sin and immorality and anyone who has engaged in it should not be allowed to marry.  This would include anyone who has engaged in pre-marital sex, had an affair or been divorced by those same Old Testament standards.  And yet I don't see people picketing and posting signs asking to ban these individuals from being married.

It's true, many of my opposition would say that homosexuality is something that is chosen and is done repeatedly [Again, a statement I disagree with] but if that is the argument, then glance again at the above list because I'd say all of those are also chosen and often repeated.

And again, if I'm being completely honest...my personal faith [I'm not declaring this ultimate truth, simply what I believe] is just a portion of my decision to Vote No.  I believe Jesus was inclusive, not exclusive.   I'm also voting no because I want a world wear people truly can achieve their dreams, especially if that dream is to be gay & married.  And also, because it ultimately comes down to an equal rights issue.  You can read more thoughts on voting no here.  There are stories from gay and straight families alike, the church and so much more.  I urge you to take a moment to explore it.

In conclusion, this post is probably going to receive even more backlash than my original, but I'm ok with that.  I'm passionate about this subject.  I'm passionate that my friends receive that same rights I do.  And I'm willing to take a little smack for it.

I believe in a world where we are truly equal.  And yes, progress is made, albeit slower than I'd like...Women can now vote, blacks and whites can be married...and someday, I hope, my gay friends will have that same privilege and I'll be able to dance at their LEGAL and RECOGNIZED wedding celebration.

Why I'm Voting "No"...

This year Minnesotans will be asked to vote on adding a constitutional amendment.  The question is, “Shall the Minnesota Constitution be amended to provide that only a union of one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as marriage in Minnesota?” 

This post is a reflection of my reasoning as to why I am voting "NO" to this amendment...It is not intended to offend you...or upset you in any way.  It's simply one Minnesotan sharing her thoughts on the subject.

In my heart of hearts...I believe LOVE IS...LOVE IS...LOVE.  And I believe that's the way God intended it. Now, you may feel the need to defend this...saying, "Adam & Eve..." or quoting several Old Testament references to the subject.  Who knows...in your arsenal you may even have some New Testament scripture you'd throw at me stating why homosexuality is wrong.  But if you do, I'd hope that you'd be ready for the scripture that I would spout back at you.  I was going to pull my own, but luckily a Facebook friend did it for me the other day...

Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material.
- Leviticus 19:19

I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.

1 Timothy 2:12

Let alone when Moses says in Deuteronomy that if your brother dies, you must marry his wife.

And maybe you'll say these verses have no context in our society today...but then can you really say that any scripture does?  How can you point to one verse and call it relevant but not the other?

Enough with the biblical context, I could argue this all day and I'm guessing my opposition could as well.  I simply reference it first because it seems to be the go-to reason for many "Vote Yes-ers"

Here are my last two points...You may or may not have heard the radio ads that say you need to vote Yes because if you don't heterosexual marriage will be ruined because they will teach about Gay Marriage in schools.  Seriously?  How does that ruin your straight marriage?  Because it wouldn't ruin mine...it's funny to me that people would be ok with their kids learning about Hitler and the Holocaust...all of the World Wars...and evolution but would be upset about Gay Marriage being referenced.  It's 2012...kids are going to know what Gay is.  They should know.  And they should be tolerant...if not welcoming, accepting, loving and compassionate.

And finally this...I'm a parent, as I'm sure many of you that are reading this are.  I look at my little girl each day and love her so much more than I thought was possible.  As she grows I want the best for her.  Heck, I want to give her the world.  I want her to grow up believing she can do and be anything she wants if she sets her mind to it.  Where does this amendment begin to effect this?  If someday down the road my daughter comes to me and tells me that she is gay -- she likes girls -- I never want to have to change that phrase and say to her..."Honey, you can be anything you want to be...except gay & married...because a bunch of people voted and took that right away from you."  In my mind there would be nothing worse than limiting your child's hopes and dreams.

So do yourself a favor...If you're voting Yes, make sure you have done your research...Make sure you've befriended a gay couple or a gay family...make sure you understand the significance of your vote.  Make sure you comprehend what you'd be limiting and taking away.

And if you're voting NO -- virtual high-five right here -- share your reasoning.  Don't be afraid to explain to others why you are passionate about it.  Don't let fear of being belittled or badgered keep you from sharing what's on your heart.  Stand up for EQUALITY and STAND UP FOR LOVE. Make sure your VOICE IS HEARD.

Thanks for hearing me out, I appreciate it.

Not as God Intended...

There are far too many things I don't understand...in this world...in my life...in my concept of faith.  These last 7 months I've really spent time reflecting on questions that I have.  Talking to others, talking to God...questioning...And I honestly think God appreciates me taking the time to ask questions.  I want my faith to be my own.  I want to believe whole-heartedly.  And for me to do that, I need to ask questions...

Questions like, "Why did my dog Paco have to die?"  [I don't care if you think it's silly, I wonder all the time, he was my best friend.]

Questions like, "Why is there downs syndrome?"

Questions like, "How am I taking a bath and washing dishes and watering my lawn and yet children in 3rd world countries are dying of dehydration?"

And questions like, "Why is there cancer?"

Today specifically, "Why does 8-year-old Jane have to be losing her battle with cancer?"

These things all seem unfair to me.  They make me question God.  They make me mad when I hear people say, "It's all in God's plan...It's happening for a reason...Or 'God never gives you more than you can handle'."

That last one especially kills me...because really?  God gives people...little girls...cancer?  I don't believe that.  I do believe God is with us in our pain and suffering, God provides us with support...but I don't believe God causes suffering.

My husband has this thought and it's really one of the only things that registers with me..."Things are not as God intended."  With the sin and corruption in the world, things have gone far away from the ideal God had planned.

The more I research I come across this other thought that makes sense..."God is equally sad and hurting for these circumstances."  Of course.  Finally.  That makes sense.  God cries with us when these things happen.  God is just as heartbroken -- if not more -- as we are.

And God put us here to help each other -- to be for each other -- to be with each other.  LOVE ONE ANOTHER he said.  But in our "put ourselves first" society, we've forgotten that.  We've forgotten to care for one another.  To do whatever we can to help.  It makes my heart heavy to think about it.

I've found myself feeling guilty I feel that I'm not doing enough.  So I look at what the story of Jesus tell us..."When I was thirsty, you gave me something to drink.  When I was hungry, you fed me."  "What you do for the least of these, you do for me."

So I'm trying...I'm trying to give when asked of.  I'm trying to help when I can.  I'm trying to open my eyes and see all the needs and discern where I can help and how.

And it kills me that today I tweeted a request to start trending #JanesWish and #BigTimeRush to try to get this brave little girl's last wish granted and only a few retweeted it.  I hate that we can make time to follow celebrities and watch reality shows but can't take 3 minutes to help get a wish taken care of.

Don't get me wrong, I'm just as guilty as the next...too often I've overlooked things, areas, people that I could've helped.  But I'm trying and I want to change that.

So please, take a minute.  Tweet, Facebook, do whatever you can to help Jane's wish be granted. Because if it were your daughter/niece/friend you'd want anyone and everyone to help make her happy one last time.

And leave her some love on her Caring Bridge page:  http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/janefiemeyer/journal

And to sum it up, I really hope I'm not offending anyone with this post.  I think people are given the type of faith they need to relate to God...and I'm just sharing mine with you.  I'm not against how you believe and connect, I'm just telling you how I do.

But please, take a minute and get #JanesWish out there to the public and Big Time Rush.

What Will Matter...

Whirlwind.  That's how I'd describe my last 5 months.  A freakin' crazy whirlwind.  It started when I was 8 months pregnant and I took one of our two dogs to the vet.  I will never forget sitting in the tiny vet room bawling my eyes out, trying to compose myself as they told me that Paco had cancer.  Aggressive Cancer.  My heart broke.  Not broke...shattered.  In that moment all of my excitement that I'd had about our current life situation fizzled out.

"It's just a dog" some may say.  He wasn't.  For all intensive purposes that dog was my best friend, child and constant companion.  With me every second I let him be.  At my side all day long.  That dog taught me how to love.  LOVE LIKE JESUS.  Unconditional  love.  There was never a moment he wasn't happy to see me...that he didn't want to snuggle...that he didn't make me feel like a better person.  And frankly, I don't care if you think I'm crazy, because it's true.  That dog made me better, happier and more confident.

A few weeks later, I was put on modified bed rest.  Blah.  I'd sit at home with the pups and be bored.  I was only supposed to do one outing a day and believe me I wasn't going to waste that outing doing the dishes! ;)  Paco had been responding well to the steroid treatment and my hopes were lifting.  This whole time I'd had this picture in my head...Our perfect little family.  Mom, Dad, Baby and two adorable Golden Retrievers.  Life was going to be great.  I let myself believe Paco was going to get better -- I hoped that the doctors were wrong.  I WANTED my perfect life.

Then one day Paco came to my side and started throwing up...and couldn't stop.  He looked at me with the saddest eyes..."Help me," they said.  But I couldn't...I couldn't help him.  Despite how bad I wanted to.  We tried everything, IV's...Drugs...but in the end, Paco lost the battle to cancer and I lost the best friend I'd ever had.  And it hurt.  GOD, DID IT HURT.

Pita and I would lay on the couch all day crying.  She would go and look for him and then lay on his bed when he wasn't there.  And I would go and lay next to her and cry.  And that was how we spent our days for quite some time...My one outing didn't matter anymore.  I was too sad.  The picture I'd had in my head of what my family would look like was destroyed.  I missed my big boy.  And Pita missed him too...and here we were stuck at home on bed rest.  BLAH.

Amidst all my weekly check ups and ultrasounds, it was suggested I be induced.  I was ecstatic.  I told my midwife I couldn't sit at home for one more second being depressed.  FOUR DAYS LATER...yes, I was in the hospital with them trying to induce me for four days...but four days and some stressful, scary moments later my wonderful, sweet June Isabella Bradley arrived.  She was perfect.

I'd been so scared.  Scared for labor.  Scared for the changes that were bound to incur.  Scared that I wouldn't be a good mom.  If I'm brutally honest, I felt like I had failed Paco, I couldn't save him.  And that rattled me to my core and made me question myself.

And now fast forward 3.5 months.  Today I look at this beautiful little girl and I can't help but smile.  I still miss Paco daily...and even cry many nights when we go to bed and he's not sitting there waiting for me.  But my life is good and it is full of love.  My house on the other hand is a disaster most days....My laundry room looks like the laundry monster came and vomited all over it, our recycling pile is filling our garage because we forget to take it out and my floors haven't been swept in 3 days.

So here's where I'm going with all of this.  What will matter....This thought has been on my heart and here's what I've learned...What will matter in the end is not that Paco lost a battle with cancer...what will matter is that he was so very loved.  I think he knew that.  And as I held his head and pet him and told him over and over again, "I LOVE YOU" as he took his last breath.  What matters is not that it was his last breath, but that he knew -- undoubtedly -- that he was loved.

And when it comes to my home and my family -- I'm learning it will not matter that my house is usually messy, sometimes dirty and always chaotic, What will matter is that my daughter is happy and knows she is loved...that Pita was played with and loved on today...and that my husband and I were intentional in our time together and connected at the end of the day.  These things are what will matter and they are what DO matter to me.

Why the Pride Festival is What Church Should Be Like...

I've been thinking a lot about what church -- "The Church" -- should be like...this might seem a simple, easy to answer question,  but to me, it's not.  Here's why.  It's far too easy to go negative with this subject...it's easier to say, "Church shouldn't be..." rather than "Church is..."

Many of us have felt burned, betrayed or hurt by The Church.  Some of us have felt unwelcome. And I know in my heart of hearts when that happens it is not church.  I believe that is not how God intended Church to be.

My friend, Nancy, and I went to the Pride Festival in Minneapolis yesterday.  We took our dogs and my baby.  It was the highlight of my weekend. We went from booth to booth chatting with different folks...we watched part of the big parade...one group that walked the parade came by and as they passed were singing a song about peace.  Here's what I love about my friend Nancy...as I was trying to hold back tears in my eyes...and shake off the goosebumps that had covered my skin; she turned to me and said, "I love this.  I'm going to cry."  Nancy is a good friend but even more so she is a good person, with a beautiful soul.  She created an opportunity for me to say, "Me too."

This experience triggered one big thought in my mind...THIS IS WHAT THE CHURCH SHOULD BE LIKE.  And as I sat in my own church last night (which, for the record, I really do like and do feel welcome at), my mind drifted and a mental note was created.  And here's that note:

5 REASONS WHY THE PRIDE FESTIVAL IS WHAT CHURCH SHOULD BE LIKE:


5.) I didn't feel judged once.  And I don't think anyone else did either.  Wear what you want.  Love who you want.  And be who you were born to be.  Simple enough idea...One I wish I felt every church embraced.  One I truly believe Jesus embraced fully, which is what makes me wonder why so many churches and Christians have deviated so far from it?  Jesus loved.  He embraced.  He challenged...but I don't think he ever judged.

4.) Everyone welcomed me. As we walked booth to booth....people were welcoming and inviting. They were excited about their group/place/club/etc. Most of the places aren't my style...I'm not nearly as hip as I pretend to be -- true story -- but it felt so WARM...yes warm...to be invited in.  To be welcomed.

3.) SMILES.  So many smiles.  It's sad, but I remember going to church growing up and walking in and seeing so few smiles.  Why is no one smiling?  It's supposed to be the most joyful place?  When did the joy stop happening?  But yesterday, there were only smiles...Minus the moment the band came by and my poor golden retriever nearly had a panic attack. ;)

2.) I felt at home.  I felt happy and I felt peaceful.  It took me a long time to get to this point with a church.  Sadly, I spent 25+ years of my life feeling anxiety-ridden when I entered church. Worrying that no one would ask me to sit with them...or that I wasn't dressed properly.  I'm so happy to say my church now is the opposite of that, I feel so peaceful and loved when I go there.  I wish everyone could feel that way.  I think everyone felt that way at Pride Fest, and that's something to be proud of.  (Did you like that play on words?)

1.) Hugs.  Everybody was hugging! Say what you will, but something deep within me tells me that Jesus was a hugger.  How could he not be?  I picture Jesus and Simon Peter getting out of the boat and splashing each other...then when the water fight was over, I big bro-hug.  I mean -- he's Jesus -- the epitome of love, you can't tell me he didn't hug people! I don't think there's near enough hugging at church...somewhere a social boundary went up and we began to keep our distance.  A little smirk and a nod...maybe a handshake...became enough.  I say...it's not enough...let's hug more, people!  The picture below has been circulating for awhile now...and I tear up every time I see it.  This apology.  This forgiveness.  This embrace.  This is Kingdom-Worthy stuff people.  THIS IS CHURCH.  AMEN.

[for more on this picture, check out this blog]

Not That Witty....

Here's what I can tell you...for some time now I've felt this tug...to share.   To share my thoughts, questions, hopes...to share.  One key thing has held me back....FEAR.  Fear of rejection, fear that my thoughts aren't profound enough, fear of failure.  Then it hit me...I determine what is a failure to me...and if the purpose of this blog is simply to share, then I really can't fail. 

You see, I have a lot of alone time -- well alone being me + baby + dog -- and as much as I love the two of them, we don't have the most riveting conversations.  But I have all these thoughts and questions bubbling all day long...and most of the time, they don't go beyond me.  Sometimes because I forget about them by the time I interact with any adults, sometimes because I don't want to sound stupid...well, pish posh...here are my thoughts...take them or leave them, read or don't read, agree or disagree...that's all fine, because truth be told, this blog isn't for you...it's for me.  And there's something that just feels right to me about putting my thoughts down on paper...albeit digital paper...I guess I like the idea that my children, or grandchildren, will be able to read my thoughts and know me from a time they might not remember.

How about that title?  Yep, "Not That Witty"...well, all the blog names I thought of were already taken or unavailable.  I tried to come up with something witty and clever...but it turns out I'm not that witty.  Then I checked and what do you know?  "Not That Witty" was available.  Bam.  Blog Title.